Ignorance is Bris

Noah and Simon Recover from the BrisThere are some rites of passage you’d like to remember and some you’re happy you don’t. When you say you want to pierce your baby girl’s ears as an infant, people look at you like you’re crazy. “Why not give her the choice when she’s older,” they say. I think most girls would be happy to discover that while all their friends are terrified about getting their ears pierced, theirs already are. Besides, if they don’t want them pierced, they can just let them close up, or pretend they’re not pierced–nobody will ever notice. However, when it comes to slicing off foreskins, not only do most people do it on the first day of a baby boy’s life, but the jews make a whole party out of it. Granted we’re all happy we had it done–better than discovering at age 18 that you’d rather be circumcised. But still, you must admit it’s a bit strange that nobody questions the whole thing. It’s almost as if we just accept the fact that we were created wrong. God made us with this extra flap of skin that just gets in the way all the time, so we just cut it off.

On Wednesday, October 19th, at 5:15pm, I had my bris. Thank God I won’t remember it. I’m pretty sure my parents will remember it. I mean my mom lost it about 10 minutes before tip-off. She broke down sobbing and mumbling about barbaric rituals and evil secret plots. My dad calmed her down, and before you knew it, it was over. My mom made my dad change my diaper for the first few days because she can’t stand the sight of blood.

I’ve been recovering fine as you can see. Simon told me he had something similar done when he was a baby–You should have seen his face when my parents told him the difference.

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